I was in San Francisco recently and was struck by the number of Fortune Cookie startups that are trying to disrupt the industry. I don’t have to tell you that the fortune cookie was invented in America. In the past, there were only a couple of legacy companies that make the stale staple, but now that’s changing. They’re innovating on shape, consistency, and worst of all, the fortunes themselves. What’s next, no Chinese lessons on the back?
Möbius – Founded by disgruntled great grand nephew of Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory, just like it sounds, this place is changing the shape of the cookie for the 21st century. Founded in Silicon Valley’s San Jose, Möbius’ chief baker Jeremy Chen says no more “Cootie Catcher” – they make a mind-bending mobius strip. The downside? There’s actually no fortune inside this cookie, if you even define what the inside is. Confucious’ Analetcs will just have to suffice. The walls are covered with an English translation. (Cookies: $3)
American Fortune – This place occupies a former donut shop and not much has changed as far as the interior or customer service.
“Fortunes” are famous quotes from American industrialists.
Minimum orders are a dozen. They also serve bubble tea, but that’s besides the point.
Fortune Cookie 500 – These come in thirty flavors and they let you design your own shape with special software that integrates nicely with a proprietary 3d printer that extrudes using wafer instead of plastic into a customized oven that quick bakes your bespoke cookie in under a minute. Use one of three ordering workstations or their app to skip the line and pick up your cookies when they’re ready.
Bible Cookie – run by very earnest Christians, this is actually a cafe affiliated with the Baptist church on 26th street in the Mission. Instead of fortunes, you guessed it, bible verses inside. They also make a pretty good latte.
Factorí – Savory fortune cookies. This place does too many things well. The problem is, most of them haven’t been invented yet. Factorí makes us question what a fortune cookie is, or even the very nature of food, so a belated definition is in order. As my six year old neighbor would say, “what even is” a fortune cookie?
Socialist calls to action in Spanish are what you can expect inside your cookie, such as:
“La revolución no es una manzana que cae cuando está podrida. La tienes que hacer caer.”
The revoluton is not an apple, it’s a cookie! Some definitions:
Fortune Cookie, n. – It must be a cookie and it must have a fortune somehow associated with the cookie.
Cookie, n. a small sweet cake, typically round, flat, and crisp. According to this definition, we’re not sure a fortune cookie is even a cookie. But we’ll go with “crisp”.
Fortune, n. I think what we’re actually talking about is fortune-telling, “the act or practice of predicting the future.” More often, fortune cookies give us advice, aphorisms, or proverbs, sometimes Chinese lessons and lucky numbers. We’re going to say that a fortune is “a text”.
Thus we arrive at our definition of a Fortune Cookie: “Something crisp with text.”
Here are some examples. A palm reading is not a fortune cookie because it doesn’t involve a cookie. An oreo is not a fortune cookie because it doesn’t have a fortune inside it. An oreo reading…IS A FORTUNE COOKIE! If you do oreo readings, please comment below!
Mochi Gnocci – Ice cream in a fortune cookie?! How do they get it in there? No, ice cream doesn’t count as a fortune. But on your receipt is a number and the overly friendly cashier will send you to a japan’d cabinet with tiny numbered drawers. You open the door with the number corresponding to the one on your receipt. Take one of the tiny slips of paper and on it you’ll find an aphorism or little tidbit of advice.
Zen Cookie – Very white Californian who pops up at bars offering handwritten zen Koens inside passable cookies made from zuccini, carrot, or plantains. Does it seem less sanitary that the fortunes are handwritten? Yes, but we cannot think why. Just look for the trail of black and white buddhas leading into a trendy bar or restaurant and that’s where you’ll find Zen Cookie. This is technically in Orange County, but California is becoming a monolith anyway right? He also works at a surf shop in Newport Beach and usually has a few cookies on him in ziploc bags. Those may or may not contain weed. Your fortune is you will get high!
-F/S
P.S. I once got the fortune at the top of the post, only it said, “Show-off always shown up IS showdown.” So that’s how you define a showdown. When the Show-of is shown up. Neither here nor there. – F